


Road  To Recovery

by Pantherlily



Series: Morgan/Reid Series [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 02:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4330416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pantherlily/pseuds/Pantherlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'The Precipice' which I recommend reading first if you haven't already . If you haven't read the first story, you'll most likely be lost if you try to read this one. Morgan/Reid centric. No pairing, just friendship. Rated for language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

" _Survival is nothing more than recovery." -_ _Dianne Feinstein_

Derek Morgan awoke groggily. It took a moment for his blurry vision to focus and another minute or two to realize he was in a hospital. It was nice and warm under the covers, a heated blanket most likely he reasoned. His eyes roved around the room, but from his current vantage point he couldn't see much other than the ceiling. He turned to his right slowly and saw Penelope Garcia sitting in a chair next to his bed knitting. He managed a smile. "Hey Baby Girl."

"Thank goodness! You're awake. You aren't to scare me like that again my darling!"

"Sorry Princess. How's Reid?" Morgan needed to know the Kid was okay. _Please God, let him be okay._

Garcia stopped knitting and she remained silent.

"Penelope, is Reid okay?" He tried again, a hint of irritation edging into his voice.

"He's in a coma, Sweetie."

Morgan closed his eyes. At least he wasn't dead but a coma wasn't much better. He opened his eyes and looked back over to Garcia. "Do the doctors think he'll come out of it?"

"They aren't sure."

"Has his mother been notified?"

"Yes, Hotch called her as soon as he found out."

"Did she fly out to see him?" Morgan asked, in his opinion she had every right to be there even if she was in an institution.

"Since Reid's the one who admitted his mother, he's also the only one who can release her. But…I worked my magic and she's been allowed a temporary release and she should be on the next flight out of Vegas." Garcia smiled, clearly proud of her handiwork. "Besides, a mother shouldn't be kept from her son in a time like this."

Morgan nodded in agreement and since he knew was at least alive, he asked about himself. "How long have I been out?"

"Little over twenty-four hours, my love."

"My family knows?"

"Of course. They will be here to see you tomorrow morning."

"Okay." Morgan wanted to get out of bed and see Reid but he was still pretty weak and the drugs dripping into his I-V were making him sleepy. Instead of getting out of bed, he dozed off.

* * *

Morgan awoke again, and this time found Aaron Hotchner sitting in the chair. "Hotch," he acknowledged with a slight nod of his head.

"How you feeling?"

"Better than Reid."

"Morgan…"

Hotch never hesitated like this, had something happened to Reid? Morgan knew he should have gone to see him. He shouldn't have abandoned him. He felt panic begin to overtake him.

Apparently Hotch read his Agent's mind. "Reid is still the same. But there's something else we need to talk about. I need to know what happened out there."

"What difference does it make now?" Morgan asked defensively.

"Look, I know you may not want to talk about it now but you will have to eventually. Strauss has put the entire team on suspension until she looks into the matter and interviews everyone."

"Total bullshit. Why can't that bit-" Morgan caught himself and amended his words, "-why can't she just let us do our job?"

"She says you and Reid didn't follow protocol."

Morgan snorted. "She wasn't there. _None_ of you were. We did what we thought was right, given the situation. But I was the one who broke protocol, _not_ Reid. I left him and the ranger to find the unsub. I fucked up, is that what you wanted to hear?"

"I appreciate you trying to take the bullet, but I already told Strauss it was my fault. That it was my decision to go in after the unsub."

"Hotch, we all agreed to go in after him. Don't martyr yourself, man." Morgan knew that if this review went badly, then Hotch could lose his job. "I'll take the blame. Worse comes to worse, I get suspended. But Hotch man, you could lose your job if Strauss has her way."

"I don't think you realize the gravity of this situation. If you end up taking blame, then you end up fired. I still lose my job, because to quote Strauss 'of poor leadership skills.' Reid could lose his job too. But if I take full responsibility, then I'm the only one who's at risk and the team stays together."

"Stays together? The team needs you too. What the hell Hotch? What did you do to make her hate you so much?"

"Strauss cares more about politics and image. To her, we are all expendable and replaceable."

"How can you stay so calm?" Morgan was furious, but per usual Hotch had a neutral expression and voice.

A nurse came in, interrupting their conversation. "Excuse me, but Agent Morgan's family is here and his mother would like to see him. And you know the rules Agent Hotchner, only one visitor at time for the time being. Doctors orders."

Hotch nodded. "Of course, I understand." He left the room without another word.

Morgan sighed in frustration. _Fucking Strauss,_ he thought angrily. Hadn't the team been through enough without all this extra bullshit to deal with?

"You look upset." Morgan's mother commented as she came into the room. She walked over to her son and gave him a hug.

"Ma, I'm fine. Just…tired." _Tired of Strauss trying to split up the team,_ Morgan added mentally.

"I suppose so. I'm just glad you are okay. Your sisters send their love. They'll be in later. A nice blond agent took them down to the cafeteria to get something to eat."

"That must be JJ," Morgan supplied.

"Yes, I believe you are right. You should get some rest if you are tired. You need to save your strength."

_Yeah, save my strength to endure the wrath of dragon lady._ Morgan was still fuming over Strauss but even so, his eyes closed and he slumbered once more.


	2. Chapter 2

" _Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think._ _" – Christopher Robin, from A. A. Milne's, Winnie The Pooh_

He came back to consciousness slowly. The sounds of machines beeping and a hissing noise reached his ears. The smell of antiseptic was everywhere. His eyes finally fluttered open. Where was he? He tried to remember, but he couldn't recall anything. Better yet, _who_ was he? He thought furiously but all his memories were fragments or weird bits of information that he didn't understand. He glanced around his surroundings. One leg was hoisted up in the air and he had an arm in a cast. Was he in a hospital? It seemed the most likely conclusion. But that didn't help explain why he was there or who he was. Someone was asleep on a chair by his bed. Did he know this man? He tried to match the face with a name, but nothing came to mind. The man was older and balding. It was hard to tell since he was slouched asleep in the chair but he looked short. He tried to speak but a tube down his throat prevented words from coming out.

His hand fumbled around in the bed until he found the remote he could use to call a nurse. He pressed the button and only had to wait a few moments until one came in.

"Is there something you need Mr. Gideon?" The nurse frowned upon seeing the sleeping form and when she looked to the patient she was surprised. "Dr. Reid! You're awake. I'll go get your doctor immediately." The nurse turned and left.

Who was this Gideon guy? The name seemed familiar but he couldn't recall why. Like the name was some distant memory, just out of his grasp. Since the name of the sleeping man didn't jog anything out of him, he concentrated on the name the nurse had called him. Dr. Reid? What kind of doctor was he? Still, nothing came to him. _Why can't I remember anything?_ Losing his memory stirred in him a fear he did not understand.

"So, you are awake. Let me take a look at you." A middle aged man had entered the room.

_Do I have a choice?_ He thought to himself, assuming this man to be his doctor.

The doctor shined a light in his eyes and then inspected his head. "You suffered a very nasty concussion that put you in a coma, Dr. Reid. Do you remember what happened?"

He shook his head no and the man stirring in the chair drew his gaze.

"Has something changed Dr. Oswald?"

The doctor turned to the other man. "Your friend is awake Mr. Gideon. However, I'm afraid he has amnesia. This is common with the type of wound he suffered and the loss of consciousness."

The man named Gideon nodded. "I'll go get his mother." He excused himself from the room before leaving.

The doctor returned his attention to Reid. "Now, I'm going to take that tube out of your throat. I need you to exhale deeply when I count to three. Do you understand?"

He nodded.

"Okay. Here we go. One…two…three…"

He exhaled deeply and when the tube was gone he started coughing. He moved his lips to talk but no words came out.

"Easy there Dr. Reid. You probably won't be able to speak for a couple days."

Fan-fucking-tastic. No memory and no talking. _What else can't I do?_ He thought sourly.

"Spencer!"

He didn't look up out of recognition but more out of curiosity at the woman's explanation. Was this his mother that Gideon guy was talking about? He tried to place her face, tried his damnedest but came up empty. He had no idea who this woman was.

The doctor spoke once more. "Mrs. Reid, your son has amnesia and although the tube from his throat has been removed it'll be awhile until he can talk. I'll need you to take it easy on him, okay?"

The woman nodded. "I just want to hug my baby boy."

"I'll leave you two alone." The doctor left the room.

The woman rushed over to him and gave him hug.

He cringed from the sudden pressure on his body and it was awkward to have some woman he didn't know hug him. Well, he knew her but he didn't remember her. To him, it was the same thing.

"I brought you a book to read to you, just like when you were little." She smiled and took a seat in the chair by the bed and opened the book.

_Read to me?_ It triggered a memory somewhere, and he left the present.

_He felt disconnected from the memory, like he was watching a movie instead of actually being a part of it. He saw a short, dorky looking kid with glasses. Was that supposed to be him? The woman from the hospital was there, but she was younger. She was curled on a bed with books. Lips were moving but he heard no sound. He saw what he thought was his younger self climb into bed with the woman. The woman opened a book the boy picked out and read to him._

Frantic screaming brought him back to reality.

" _SPENCER! SPENCER!"_ The woman was hysterical.

Mom? Another partial memory elicited in his brain.

_This time he was the boy and he saw through his eyes. His mother was screaming, in some kind of psychotic fit. The feeling of fear gripped him. He wasn't sure why he was afraid or why his mother was screaming. He watched the scene with no comprehension for what he saw._

Frustration over came him as the fragmented memory left him. Silence was in the room, the doctor was looking down at him worriedly.

"Dr. Reid, can you hear me?"

He nodded.

"Good, you gave your mother quiet a scare there. Don't worry though, we sedated her and she's resting now. Mr. Gideon requested to see you, may I send him in?"

He hesitated and then nodded again.

"Visiting hours are almost hours so he won't be able to stay long." 

The one called Gideon entered. "Never thought I'd see you again, or at least not under these circumstances." The man seemed to be talking to himself more than Reid. The man pulled the chair closer and sat down. "I know you can't talk, but I brought you a pen a paper to write on if you want to ask any questions. I know you are right handed, so writing with your left may be difficult." He opened the pad of paper and placed it on the movable table that patients use to eat off.

He managed an appreciative smile. He picked up the pen with his left hand and after a moment he managed to scrawl a message. It read: My name is Spencer Reid?

The man nodded. "That's right. Do you remember or just piece things together based on what you have heard?"

A single word message this time: Overheard

The man smiled but it seemed sad.

He scribbled another message out, this time a little faster as he became accustomed to using his non dominate hand: What is your name and how do I know you? He hoped by asking this question it would induce another memory. There was a part of him that frantically needed to know everything.

"I'm Jason Gideon. We used to work together a few years ago."

A simple two worded question came next: Used to?

Gideon rubbed his head, as if considering the question. "It's a long story."

More writing: I have time.

The older man smiled and he started from the beginning from when he had handpicked Spencer to work at the BAU.

Reid interrupted the story with a flurry of questions and sentences: FBI? I thought I was a doctor? What's the BAU? Please, I need to remember. I can't explain it but I need to know!

A sigh escaped Gideon and he leaned back in his chair, with his hands on his head, after reading the paper. He was quiet and he seemed about to answer but the doctor came in.

"I'm sorry gentlemen, but visiting hours are over."

"Give me a minute?" Gideon asked.

"Of course, but not too much longer. Dr. Reid is going to need his sleep soon." The doctor left the room once more.

"I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you to not know anything about yourself. You like reading, so I'll leave you this to mull over and maybe it will help you remember." He picked up the pad of paper and pen and flipped to a fresh page. He wrote for several moments and when he was done who put them back down on the table. "I'll be back tomorrow, and I'll answer some more questions." Gideon got up and left the room.

Reid felt another pang of realization as the memory swirled in his mind teasingly.

_He was an adult and in a deserted cabin. A flashlight was his only source of light. A letter addressed to him was on a table and he reached for it._

The memory faded and he wasn't sure why but tears had formed in his eyes. Why did he feel so sad? Was Gideon the one who left him the note? And if so, why had it evoked such a strong sadness? Reid didn't remember but it _felt_ right. He supposed that was something. He had every intention of reading the note written to him but today's events had left him feeling tired and drained all the sudden. He closed his eyes, drifting into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

" _Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be_ _recovery_ _._ _" - Joanne Kathleen Rowling_

Morgan was in a good mood. Okay, maybe the word _good_ was overstating. He was recovering nicely physically and so he was being released from the hospital today, but he was struggling psychologically and emotionally. The stress of Reid constantly being at death's door and Strauss' witch hunt were gnawing at him inside. He made small talk with his family and his colleagues who all rotated in and out at regular intervals. But the conversation of what had happened never came up again, but it was all he could think about. He ran the scenes over and over in his head as the days went by. What he could have done differently. What he should have done differently. The torment began to take its toll and he noticed the worry in his team's eyes. Every day he asked about Reid, but was told the same thing. The Kid was in a fucking coma.

With a sigh, he rubbed his hands over his eyes as he sat on his hospital bed and waited for the release papers he had to sign. Morgan hadn't slept well, even when they were drug induced. Nightmares about that day plagued him daily. He didn't even have to be sleeping for the nightmares to come to life. _I need to get my shit together. I won't do Reid any good if I fall apart like this,_ he told himself. He knew he needed to talk to someone about what happened, but the thought of talking to one of the BAU was unthinkable. It wasn't that he didn't trust them, he did…well, when it came down to…he was just too damn proud. The thought of talking to a shrink was even more reviling. He knew if he ever wanted to be cleared to work again, he'd have to talk to someone regardless. But that didn't seem to matter anymore. The only thing that mattered right now was Reid. He thought about all the times he had teased the Kid mercilessly. He found himself missing the plethora amount of information that would be spouted off, no matter how nerdy the context was. He'd taken Reid for granted, they all had. _I'll be better, I promise. I'll treat him better. Just please let him be okay._

The door opened and Morgan's thoughts faded and he put on a smile, even though felt like crying, screaming or punching a wall, anything than smiling really. The staff had been good here, no need to take it out on them. He signed the forms and thanked the nurse. The smiled faded immediately after she left. He had already changed into street clothes, so he hopped off the bed and walked out of the room. He walked to the elevator and pressed the button up. Reid was being kept in ICU, and that was his next destination.

"Derek?" A familiar voice asked.

He turned and faked another smile. "Hey Mom." He hugged her automatically and when the door dinged open it took considerable restraint to not just leave his mother standing there.

"Your sisters and I are going back home Chicago. If you need anything, call us."

"Thanks Mom, I will. Love you." Another forced smile.

"Love you too. We'll call you when we land dear. Try and take it easy and no more heroics or you'll send your mother to an early grave." She patted his hand.

Heroics? What the hell had he done to be considered a hero? The elevator dinging behind him and dispersed his thoughts. He had missed the elevator.

"Derek, I know you and can see that what happened is eating at you. You mustn't blame yourself Son. Because of you, your friend is alive. You saved his life. I'm proud of you. Don't forget that, you hear me?"

His mother's insight startled him. Morgan nodded and hugged her good bye before she stepped onto the next elevator. When the doors closed, he squeezed his eyes shut tight. Tears were threatening to fall. He hadn't had an emotional out let since being at the hospital. He'd just bottled it all up and let it stew inside. He allowed his eyes to open again when he was sure the tears wouldn't come forth. He took a deep, shaking breath. _Come on Derek, you can have an emotional breakdown later. Right now you have to be strong, Reid still needs you._

"Morgan?" Another familiar voice, but it wasn't one he had heard in years.

"Gideon?" He looked up to see a ghost from the past.

"I know you want to see Reid, but I'd like to talk to you before you do. Let me buy you a crappy lunch from the cafeteria."

Did Gideon really think he could just walk back into their lives like this? What right did he have to be here? He'd abandoned Reid, hell he had abandoned all of them. The profiler in Morgan told him it wasn't right to transfer all his anger and frustration on the older man but he was an easy target. "Go to hell."

"I suppose I deserve that."

Gideon's lack of a reaction enraged Morgan further. Why hadn't he lashed out back? _Probably because he knows I'm looking for a fight._ He forced himself to calm down, which took more effort than he would like to admit. "Look Man, I'm sorry…just…" He trailed off, words failing him.

He put a hand on Morgan's shoulder. "I get it. I do. Now how about that lunch?"

"I'm not hungry." He shrugged the hand off his shoulder. How could he explain he _needed_ to see Reid without seeming pathetic?

"The doctors probably won't let you see him."

"What? Why the hell not?" The rage came back and Morgan couldn't hide the venom in his voice.

"Look, you should probably sit down."

Sit down? Oh God…did that mean…? No, Gideon wouldn't be so composed…would he? But why else would he be here? "Just tell me already." Morgan hadn't realized it but he began pacing.

"Derek." The voice demanded his attention.

Gideon's hands landed on his shoulders and forced Morgan to stand still. He met the older man's eyes, seeking answers he was afraid to know. _Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay._ He felt a tightening in his chest and suddenly he couldn't breathe. _Panic attack?_ He thought dimly. He felt his knees buckle, but he didn't fall. Gideon must be keeping him upright. The doctor had cleared him. _So what the hell is wrong with me?_ For the first time, he was scared for himself. He knew he'd been having a rough time coping with what had happened but he'd been blindsided by his emotions that he thought he had under control and it left him feeling terrified. His breathing returned to normal gradually and he became faintly aware he was sitting in chair instead of standing now. He'd been so worried about Reid he really hadn't been paying attention to how _he_ was feeling. He found his voice, "I have to know…is Reid…?" He couldn't bring himself to say the words, fearing if he said them that they would suddenly be true.

"He's fine. He's out of a coma actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"He's awake? What? When? Why didn't you say something sooner?" Morgan attempted to get out of the chair but Gideon blocked his way.

"Listen to me!" Gideon had apparently lost his patience because his voice rose for the first time.

Morgan glared at him but said nothing.

"Reid has amnesia and he's very confused right now. The doctors won't let people into see him right now, except for his mother and I."

"You? _You?_ Of all the people in the world, you are the last person who deserves to see him." Morgan spat, he didn't care if the words were cruel or not.

Gideon sighed. "His mother asked me to come."

Genuine surprise registered Morgan's face as his eyebrows rose. "You kept in touch with his mother?"

"No. I guess Garcia tracked me down, despite my attempts of finding solitude."

Morgan allowed himself a brief, real smile. "You should know better, Garcia can find anyone."

"Anyway, Garcia got in touch with me and told me what had happened and that his mother wanted me to come."

"Did she say why?" Morgan asked. He was finally calming down.

"I guess Reid told his mother all about me in the letters he sent her. She said that while I wasn't his real father he had regarded me as such and that it was only right that I know what was going on. At first the doctor wouldn't let me to see him either, but his mother had insisted I be allowed to see him as well."

"How long has he been out of a coma?"

"A few days now."

"A few days?" The anger returned. Why had they lied to him?

"If you're wondering why no you told, it was because your doctor advised against it. While you recovered physically, he was worried about your mental health."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, right. That I can see."

The sarcasm wasn't lost on Morgan but he didn't reply.

"Look, right now Reid needs to figure things out. Seeing you, may confuse him more than he already is. Besides, you need to take care of yourself before you rush off to take care of someone else."

Morgan was quiet for a long moment and he resigned himself to his current fate, for now anyway. "So, how's Reid's mother?"

"Some days are better than others, but I think she's getting worse. Seeing her son like that, it scares her. Hell, it scares me. I mean, of all people to lose their memory…" Gideon shook his head.

"Doctors think he'll get it back?"

"In time, yes. They aren't sure how long it will take. He says he remembers fragments here and there but he can't make sense of any them. I've been working with him every day, but the progress is slow right now."

"The rest of the team knows?"

"Yes."

Morgan nodded. _Naturally, I'm the last to know._ "You should go and be with Reid then." He couldn't help the resentment in his tone. "Besides, I'd like to be alone right now."

"Okay." The response was quiet and Gideon got up and left.

Who were they to try and stop him from seeing Reid? Morgan planned to sneak in after visiting hours. If he could just see Reid with his own eyes maybe he'd feel better, but somehow he doubted it.


	4. Chapter 4

" _The hardest thing you can do is smile when you are ill, in pain, or depressed. But this no-cost remedy is a necessary first half-step if you are to start on the road to_ _recovery_ _."- Allen Klein_

The room was dark and he was all alone. He should be resting but he was wide awake. Reid wrestled with memories, trying to make sense of the fragments that taunted him. At least he could finally talk. That was something he supposed. He'd come to enjoy Gideon's visits but he dreaded his mother's. There was no saying if she would randomly start screaming. Gideon had said she was a schizophrenic. He tried to place their faces with some kind of emotion, to feel an attachment to either one. And while their faces came to him from time to time, he didn't really remember anything specific, let alone feel anything. On top of remnant memories, he had all this information floating around. Some of it made sense but others were lost upon him. The worst were the images of dead bodies. He supposed the images shouldn't disturb him, since apparently he was a profiler for the Behavior Analysis Unit. Whatever the hell _that_ meant. He'd also learned he had not one PhD but _three._ Thus being called Doctor Reid. He wished he could remember these things without being told. No matter how many times he went over everything Gideon had told him, he came up with zilch. Knowing wasn't enough anymore, the memories _needed_ to be his damn it. Not second hand information.

Gideon had him doing sensory exercises. Reid closed his eyes and tried to do one now. He concentrated on the memory of the empty cabin; since it had evoked a feeling so strong before that he just _knew_ it was real emotional response. He concentrated, not only what he saw but things he heard and smelt.

_The cabin was quiet, but the outside was filled with noises of nocturnal animals. It had the smell of place that had been around for awhile, the cabin must be old. There was the letter, taunting him. Would he be able to read it this time? The memory always faded at this point, but he was still in it. There was a gun and badge on the table as well. His past self picked up the letter and he began reading._

A strangled cry brought Reid out of the memory. It must have been his because he was breathing heavily. The letter…Gideon, had left it for him? He still didn't understand why this memory made him so sad. To his surprise, he remembered the letter verbatim now.

_"I knew it would be you, who would come to find me…"_

From the context of the letter, he had gathered Gideon had just left one day and that the letter was his way of saying goodbye. Reid frowned, brows furrowed as he tried to remember more. Finally he had at least one memory he could recall without being told anything, but instead of bringing clarity it brought more confusion. He wasn't sure why but he hadn't told Gideon about having that memory before but he decided that tomorrow he should definitely say something. Maybe that would help bring more understanding not only to the letter but why it hurt so much to think about.

Once again Reid closed his eyes, intent on doing another sensory exercise. However, this time sleep over took him.

* * *

Morgan had found out what room Reid was in, but had been barred access. Only family was allowed to see him at this time. _Bull-fucking-shit,_ he thought bitterly. He found himself jealous of Gideon for the access he had to Reid. It was irrational, but he couldn't help it. So, he fueled his brooding thoughts. _I was the one who did all the work to get him to this fucking hospital. I deserve to see him. What had Gideon done? Run away when things got hard and now he can just show back up like nothing happened?_ He didn't care if his thoughts were selfish. He had successfully dodged the team. He didn't want to see them right now. He went out of his way to not be in the same room as Gideon because he just might punch him in the face if he saw him again. Derek knew it was childish and the retired profiler was trying to help Reid, but damn it…it should be _him_ helping not Gideon.

The ICU's waiting room was quiet, because it was late and after visiting hours. The few people in it were asleep except for Morgan. He was waiting impatiently for the shift change to grave yard, which he figured would be the best time to sneak in unnoticed. He glanced at the clock on the wall, it was only ten. He had an hour left. Someone walking his direction caught his peripheral vision, what was Garcia doing here so late?

She sat down next to him and pulled out her Nintendo DS and started playing some video game he couldn't make out.

"Baby Girl, what are you doing here?"

"You think you're the only worried about Reid, doll face? Besides, I'd figure you would need someone to be a distraction for you."

"Distraction?"

"Oh don't give me that. Everyone knows why you are up here."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" He allowed himself a thin smile.

"Mmmm. Well, you could show it a little more by not shutting me out." Garcia looked up from her game to meet his eyes. "I'm worried about you Derek Morgan."

"I feel responsible for him Penelope. I _need_ to see him. I don't how else to explain it."

"And the glowering look you get anytime Gideon comes within a mile radius of you?"

Morgan sighed and broke the eye contact.

"Fine, you don't have to explain everything right now but I'm here for you when you are ready."

"Thank you," he said and meant it.

"Anything for you, you sexy man meat."

Morgan grinned despite himself and then wrapped one arm around Garcia and he gave her a sideways hug and kissed her forehead. She'd always been a good friend to him through the years. "Well, I was going to try and sneak in at the shift change but since you are here to play decoy I'll use you now."

"Oh baby, use me anyway you want." Garcia smiled back, put her game away and then walked over to the nurse's station.

Morgan couldn't hear what was being said at first, until Garcia started shrieking incoherently. _Laying it on kind of think, aren't you Baby Girl?_ He shook his head but the distraction worked because she was surrounded by nurses trying to calm her down. He took off down the hall, following the signs to Reid's room number. He opened the door quietly, partly to go undetected and partly because Reid was probably asleep and he didn't want to wake him. He closed the door as silently as he opened it and let his eyes adjust to the darkness before he tried to navigate the room.

Reid was sleeping, as Morgan suspected he would be. He just stood there for awhile, watching the gentle rising and falling of Reid's chest. _See. He's okay,_ he told himself. He picked up the chair in the room and put it next to the bed. He sat down and picked up Reid's good hand. "I know I had promised I wouldn't let go and I'm sorry I had to, but I'm here now," he whispered to the darkness. The heart monitor beeped, indicating that Reid's heart rate had gone up. It when back down after a moment, with another beep.

Reid stirred in his sleep, swearing someone was talking to him. Was this another memory or was it reality? It felt like someone was holding his hand. He opened his eyes, to find a black man staring down at him. He glanced down to their holding hands.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you Kid. I'm here now, and this time I won't let go." The man whispered.

It was like flood waters breaking through a dam, and a surge of memories poured out from nowhere. The chase, the fight, the cliff, the fall, the frantic search for Morgan. That was all it took, and all his memories seemed to return at once. It was too much for his mind to handle, and it shocked his entire system. Then it sent his body into cardiac arrest.

Morgan jumped from his seat as when the heart monitor started indicating a crash. _Oh God, no! What was happening now?_

Lights flicked on as nurses and doctors rushed in. "Sir? You can't be in here. We need you to leave, so we can work on the patient."

"Spencer Reid, his name is Spencer." Morgan corrected, he didn't want to leave after just getting there but he knew that the best thing to do was let the professionals do their job. He waited just outside the door anxiously, listening to the sounds going on. The sound of crash cart being charged reached his ears. _Shit, not good. Please be okay._ He felt another panic attack coming on but he fought it this time by controlling his breathing. The door opened and what was likely a doctor walked out.

"Derek Morgan?"

"Yes?" Morgan replied, clearly confused by a stranger using his name.

"Doctor Reid is stable again and he is asking for you. Make it quick, he needs his rest. I don't need to remind you that visiting hours are over and you shouldn't have been in there in the first place." The doctor gave him a pointed look.

He nodded and went into the room. The nurses were still checking on him and it took all his self control to wait for them to finish. When they finally left, he walked over to the bed. "Hey," he said in a simple greeting.

"Morgan…I remember…I remember everything."

"That's good Kid, real good."

"I wanted to thank you."

"For?"

"Derek, you saved my life three times out there. And when I was fighting to find my identity, you came in and saved me again…just this time from my own mind. You never gave up on me, not once."

"It was nothing Kid, nothing you wouldn't have done for me."

Reid hesitated and then asked, "Will you stay with for the rest of the night?"

"Only if people in this damn hospital let me. Kid you have no idea what I went through to get here. But don't you worry about that, you should sleep."

As if on cue the doctor came in and looked at Morgan.

Derek sighed.

"Doctor…please let him stay," Reid pleaded.

This time the doctor sighed but he nodded his consent and left the room after he turned the lights off, a clear indicator it was time for Reid to sleep.

"Go ahead and sleep Reid, I'll be here when you wake up." Morgan smiled softly, and took a seat in the chair once more. He took Spencer's hand once more.

Reid squeezed Morgan's hand once as he drifted off to sleep.

For the first time being at the hospital, Morgan felt like he could have a restful sleep even if was in an uncomfortable chair. He let his eyes close and promptly slept.


	5. Chapter 5

" _Courage consists in the power of self-_ _recovery_ _."- Ralph Waldo Emerson_

Morgan woke up when the morning staff came in to check on Reid. He got up to stretch his sore body and let the staff do their thing. For once he wasn't asked to leave, so he just stood by a wall and waited in silence. _The Kid's going to be okay, we'll get through this. It's almost over. Ugh, we still have to deal with Strauss. I'm ready for the inquisition but is Reid? He just got his memories back, but he'd probably have to go through physical therapy for his leg._ He let his thoughts go, as he heard Reid come awake. "Morning Kid." He moved over to his side.

Reid laid there quiet for a moment. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, name it."

"Can you tell Gideon I'd like to speak with him?" He had so many questions for his old mentor. The letter at the cabin had left him little comfort after the sudden departure. Maybe he would finally have more answers than questions.

The request stung and the familiar pang of jealousy came back. "I'll see if I can find him." Morgan managed to keep his tone neutral.

Reid noticed the pained look on Morgan's face and explained simply. "I just need to understand." It surprised him that after almost three years it still haunted him, he thought he had moved passed it. But with Gideon here, he felt like maybe he could finally get some real closure.

Morgan nodded, not trusting his voice to keep even. He left the room in silence and tried to repress the anger he felt. It didn't take long for him to make his way back to the waiting room. He looked around and saw his team, but Gideon was absent. His eyes narrowed in thought. _If that son of bitch ran away again, I'll…_ Someone talking to him broke his train of thought.

"Morgan, is everything okay?" Hotch asked.

Though his tone and voice had remained neutral, Morgan saw the worry in his boss' eyes. "I'm fine, was just thinking." It was a half-truth anyway. "Doctors talk to you guys?"

"No, what's up?" A hint of alarm in Hotch's voice this time.

"Reid's memory came back last night. He's asking for Gideon, anyone seen him?"

"He's up in the pysch ward with Reid's mother, I believe." Rossi answered from his seat.

Morgan thought about asking someone else to find Gideon and relay the message, but he'd told Reid he would. So instead he asked, "What floor's that on?"

"Fourth," was Rossi's simple reply.

It was only one flight of stairs up, so he went via stair well. Morgan walked up to the admissions desk, intent on asking where Diana Reid's room was but he spotted Gideon in the hallway. So, he bypassed that and just called after the older man to get his attention.

"Morgan." Gideon said in ways of greeting, as he turned around.

"Reid's asking for you." Morgan managed to keep the bitterness out of his voice this time.

"All right."

Gideon began walking by him and Morgan grabbed him by the arm. "He's looking for answers. You better not disappoint him, or I swear to God you and I will have a problem."

He glanced down at his arm and pulled it away from Morgan's grasp. "His memory has returned then." Gideon concluded, brushing off the threat and continued walking.

* * *

Reid waited as patiently as he could, with nothing to do to pass the time other than to stare at the ceiling and allow random facts and statistics come to mind. He heard the door open and even though he'd been talking to Gideon the past few days, it was like seeing him for the first time in years. "Thank you for coming."

"Sure." Gideon fell quiet for a moment, as though in thought. Then he said, "I know the way I left effected you the most. It was why I left you the letter. I suppose you think I'm just like your father, and you felt abandoned. I realize it was unfair to the team, to you, for leaving without saying goodbye. I just couldn't do it anymore Spencer. I had to get away before the job broke me down completely. I left in search of finding all the things I lost my belief in. That there is goodness and love in the world. I couldn't bear saying good bye to everyone, so I just left. Maybe that was selfish of me, and for that I am sorry. I truly am."

He mulled over his old mentor's words. "Did you find it? Your happy ending?"

"Not yet, but I'm finding things to believe in again. So, it's a start."

Reid nodded. "I guess I get it. The abruptness of it all made it the most difficult."

"I know."

Reid decided to change the subject. "My mother, what is she doing here? She shouldn't have been allowed to leave the institution from Vegas without my okay. And she hates flying."

"Garcia did her technological magic, I'm not sure exactly what."

"Ah, I should have known."

"Do you want to see her?"

"Yeah. To say good bye, being here isn't doing her any good I don't think. Do me a favor, and make sure she gets back to Vegas okay?"

"Sure."

"Thanks. And Gideon, it was good to see you again."

The older man smiled a little. "It was good to see you too. I'll go get your mother."

* * *

Morgan found Reid's new room relatively easily. They had finally transferred him out of the ICU, which meant anyone could visit him now. He still hadn't told Spencer about Strauss' investigation. He supposed he should, so the Kid could be ready. Hotch had informed Derek that Strauss was flying to Alaska to do in person interview with both them and it was scheduled for tomorrow afternoon sometime. "Hey, we need to talk man."

Reid's brow creased in confusion. "Everything okay?"

A sigh escaped Morgan and he shook his head. "Bad news Kid, Strauss has temporarily suspended the team because she wants to do inquiry about what happened. She says we broke protocol. She's interviewed the rest of the team via satellite conference but we get the unlucky pleasure of doing one in person. It's scheduled tomorrow afternoon."

Silence ensued as Reid processed this new information. Finally he said, "I'll just tell her it was my fault. I've never been in trouble with her before, so I'm not likely to get fired. And my punishment will probably be a week's suspension without pay, two weeks if they want to make an example out of me."

"Wish it was that simple. Hotch is already taking responsibility for it. Says, if he does then he'll be the only fired. He thinks if one of us does, we all lose."

"What? Hotch shouldn't be fired over an incident he had no control over. That doesn't even make sense."

"I know. It's total bull. Strauss is out to complicate our lives."

"Which again, doesn't make sense. We've helped law agencies all over catch unsubs and close cases. Our success rate is 96.4%."

"Apparently office politics doesn't care about that. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up. Didn't want Strauss to catch you flat footed."

Reid nodded in response, falling quiet once more as he thought furiously. Maybe there was a way he could save all of them from Strauss' wrath. "Morgan, I think as long as we say Hotch wasn't at fault and we give an explanation on why we did what did she can't touch us. Okay, suspension because we both broke protocol but fire us? She can't do that."

"What do you mean?"

"In the FBI Manual of Administrative Operations and Procedures or MAOP…"

"The what?" Morgan interrupted.

"Basically an employee handbook for the FBI. Didn't you read it? You were supposed to." Reid was genuinely confused on why someone wouldn't read it.

"Oh right that…yeah…totally read that," Morgan said jokingly.

The joke was lost on Reid. "Right, well anyway, it in part one section thirteen…"

Morgan interrupted again. "Whatever it is, I believe you. You don't have to recite it back to me."

Reid frowned, indicating the disappoint he felt when not being able to explain things to their full extent.

"You think Strauss will listen to reason?"

"She'll have to. She can't blatantly disregard rules and regulations, especially if I point it out. All conversations are recorded for our protection and of course the official record."

Morgan patted Reid's good shoulder. "Kid, you are some kind of wonderful."

"Did you know the song 'Some Kind of Wonderful' was originally released by The Drifters in 1961. And then in 1967 the band Soul Brothers Six made a completely different song but with the same name. The second version is the one most people are familiar with."

Morgan groaned but let Reid finish this time around. "Where do you get these facts?"

"Well, I read them of course."

Morgan gave a lop sided grin. "Never mind Kid, never mind."

A look of confusion crossed over Reid's face but he didn't say anything further.

"You should get some sleep. You haven't slept at all today."

"But I'm not tired."

"Well, at least try and rest. I don't want you over doing it." Morgan said, his voice filled with concern.

"You sound like my doctor."

"Your doctor sounds like a wise man. Now _sleep._ "

"Fine but if I can't fall asleep I get to tell you all about behind the scenes Star Wars moments without you interrupting."

"Somehow I feel like I'm getting cheated out of this deal, but if it means you will try to sleep then I accept."

Reid nodded and allowed his eyes to close. The goings on of the day had in fact worn him out only he hadn't realized it until then and he slipped into a peaceful slumber.

Morgan waited a moment to see if Reid would open his eyes again. When he didn't a sigh of relief left him. _Oh thank God, he fell asleep. I don't know if I could handle listening to Star Wars behind the scenes facts._ He exited the room quietly and headed toward the cafeteria. He hadn't eaten much since being at the hospital and he was famished.


	6. Chapter 6

" _Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32_

The next day rolled around and Morgan was the first to be interviewed by Strauss. _Just be calm and tell the truth. Try not to be defensive. Be professional._ He was trying to prepare himself mentally as he took a seat across from her.

Strauss clicked on a tape recorder. "For the record please state your name and position."

"Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan."

"Whose idea was it to go after Alan Milford?"

"It was a team decision."

"Your Chief Unit Aaron Hotchner says it was his decision."

Morgan bit back a nasty retort. "He came up with the plan, but we all agreed it was the best course of action."

"Why didn't you wait until the next day to look for him?"

"There was supposed to be a blizzard that night. We were afraid the unsub would get away and be able to start his killing spree all over again."

"And for the record, was there a blizzard that night?"

"No, but-"

Strauss interrupted. "No need to elaborate, you answered the question Agent Morgan. So, you split up and went out into freezing cold weather a few hours before night fall. The park ranger leading your party was shot, why did you leave your group? You left an injured man and an agent who can barely pass his gun proficiency to fend for themselves."

_Why do you feel the need to spin the truth so it fits your needs?_ Morgan clenched his fist under the table to hide his frustration. "Because at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. I didn't want the unsub to get away."

"But he did. In hind sight, do you still think what you did was right?"

Morgan faltered but answered truthfully. "No."

"In your own words, describe what happened after you left your group."

"I went the direction I thought the shots came for, and I came a upon a discarded suppressed sniper rifle. I heard shots from back the way I came, and so I went back."

"And what did you find?"

"The park ranger was there alone."

"Doctor Spencer Reid was nowhere to be found?"

"No."

"Why do you think Doctor Reid left?"

"You'll have to ask him that when it's his time to interview."

"Indeed. What did you next?"

"I followed the tracks Reid and the unsub made."

"Why?"

"To cover my partner's back."

"Wait, earlier you said you left your partner _and_ an injured man behind. Why the change of heart, Agent Morgan?"

_You have got to be fucking kidding me._ Morgan managed to keep his temper under control. "Shots had been fired, I had to make sure Reid was okay."

"But earlier you had shown a blatant disregard for your team, did you not?"

"What? No!"

"I can replay the tape for you if you'd like."

"Did I break from the group from the first? Yes, I did. But it wasn't because I didn't care about the men with me."

"I see. So, you followed the trail left in the snow. Then what?"

"Reid and the unsub were fighting. The unsub had Reid's back to a cliff side. I couldn't get a clean shot off so I put my gun away and moved in to help Reid. I managed to get the unsub down, but I didn't know there was a knife on the ground. Reid warned me and I moved back, and Reid went into to wrestle the knife away. The unsub threw Reid off and…and he went over the edge. A fight between the unsub ensued and I was able to get him down and the knife away and I was going to arrest when I heard Reid trying to climb up the ledge. I moved to the cliff to help him up."

"So instead of arresting a known killer, you went to help your colleague?"

Morgan finally let his anger flare. "Your damn right I did!"

"Watch your tone, Agent Morgan." Strauss gave a look of warning and disapproval.

"Yes, ma'am…sorry, won't happen again." The words tasted like vinegar in his mouth.

"Good. Go on."

"When I got to there, Reid was struggling to get over the ledge. I bent down to help him and he lost his grip. I was able to stop him from falling by grabbing his wrist. The unsub had found a discarded gun while I was trying to pull Reid up and he put against my head and told me to let go or he'd kill me."

"And you refused to let go?"

"Of course I didn't let go."

"Your life was being threatened, why didn't you let go?"

_What the hell lady? Don't you give a damn about anyone but yourself? In a life a death situation I hope you aren't within an ten mile radius of me, least I'd have to rely on you._ "The unsub thrived on power and control, I would have been giving him what he had wanted. Not only that, I couldn't consciously allow a colleague die."

"And based off your team's report, that's when they arrived. Correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Did Chief Unit Agent Hotchner try to talk Alan Milford down?"

"Yes, he did. As did Supervisory Special Agent Rossi."

"And Mr. Milford wouldn't listen?"

"No ma'am. Guy like that would rather be killed than be arrested."

"Do you have anything else to add?"

"Well, I was able to distract the unsub and his gun went off. After that, things are little fuzzy for me. I didn't know it at the time, but when his gun had gone off the bullet had grazed my temple. There was an avalanche and then Reid and I were both falling and I don't remember anything after that because I lost consciousness."

"Thank you Agent Morgan, you may go."

"That's all?"

"Unless there's something else?"

"No ma'am." Morgan got up and left the room. He was glad to be out of that room. An overwhelming urge to punch something came over him. He settled for a long drawn sigh. He would have gone to see Reid, but that's where Strauss would be going since Spencer was more or less confined to his room. He found the rest of the team in their usual spot, the waiting room. "God that sucked." He voiced his thoughts out loud to help release some frustration, as he took a seat next to Garcia.

"I'm sure you did marvelous cutie," Garcia replied encouragingly.

"She tried to twist damned near everything I said."

" Everything will work out for the best."

"Baby Girl, while I love your optimism…if Strauss had it her way, we'd all be out of job."

"Well, if she tries to fire you I'll give her computer a nasty virus."

"Garcia." Hotch said, his tone of voice a clear warning.

"Right my Captain oh Captain, I would never dream doing anything like that."

Morgan smirked faintly.

Rossi asked, "You think Reid's up for the questioning?"

"Oh yeah. That Kid's sharp. Did you know we have an employee hand book?"

"MAOP. Please tell me read through that." Hotch crossed his arms as he gave Morgan a hard stare.

"Of course." Morgan ignored Hotch's disapproving glare and continued on. "Anyway, Reid says there is some stipulation in the rules that Strauss won't be able to ignore and she won't be able to fire us. Reid says she could suspend us though." At that moment Strauss came walking toward them and to Morgan's delight she looked pissed.

"Agent Hotchner, a word please."

The team exchanged glances as Hotch and Strauss left.

"What do you think that was about?" JJ asked.

"Whatever it is, she didn't look happy." Rossi smirked.

"Yeah, but is that good or bad?" Prentiss asked.

"I'm hoping it means Reid got her with her own rules," Morgan added.

Hotch came back. "Morgan, Strauss wants to see you."

He entered the room Hotch and Strauss had disappeared into before. "Ma'am?"

"Dr. Reid brought something to my attention. And taking that into account, you and Dr. Reid will remain suspended for the next three weeks, making your suspension a total of a month, with the already served week off you had here. It'll be without pay of course. The rest of the team is to begin back to work immediately." Strauss started to leave and then turned to say one last thing. "The next time you break protocol and put other people's lives in danger, I will have your job. Is that understood?"

Morgan was tempted to tell her off but he knew better. So instead he replied as would be expected of him. "Yes ma'am." He left shortly after Strauss and found his team members getting ready to leave. "I'm going to stay until Reid is released. So, I guess I'll see you guys in a few weeks. Sorry for getting you guys suspended for a week. None of this was your fault and you shouldn't have been held accountable for my actions."

"Sweetie, there's no way we would have been able to work anyway. We'd been too worried about our boys to work effectively." Garcia gave Morgan a smile.

Rossi shook Morgan's hand. "I'd have done the same thing you did."

"Don't encourage that kind of behavior Dave." Hotch paused a moment. "Officially I don't condone the actions you took but unofficially it was a job well done. Just don't make a habit of it."

"I'm just glad you two are okay," JJ said, giving Morgan a brief hug.

"Yeah. You did what you thought was right. Not your fault Strauss took it out on all of us," Prentiss added.

"Thanks guys. Look, I know I wasn't easy to get along with this week and I'm sorry for that. I don't know how you put up with me."

"Morgan, you had a gun to your head. Then you lived through an avalanche, you carried a fallen man to shelter to, then wasn't allowed to see the man he saved, on top of almost dying yourself. So, I'd say you're allowed a little leeway with how you treated those around you. What I'm trying to say is, we know you were having a tough time so don't worry about it," Rossi said and the others nodded in agreement.

Morgan smiled. "I guess you are right. Well, thanks again. I'm going to go check up on Reid, so I'll see you guys later." He left his team, and headed straight to Reid's room.

Reid was stretching his right arm experimentally, the doctor had removed the cast earlier that day. It was good to have full range of motion on his shoulder but it still hurt if he tried to move it too much. "Hey Morgan. Got my arm back. Doctor says I should move it as little as possible, if at all for the next week. Just to make sure the bone fuses right. Also, I get to leave tomorrow. But with the full cast on my leg, I'll be stuck in wheel chair. Which I'm not looking forward to but it's better than being stuck in a hospital bed."

"If you aren't supposed use your right arm for a week, how do you expect to work a wheel chair?"

"I was hoping you'd be willing to push me around. You know, if isn't too much trouble?"

"Of course not. Not like I have anything to do for the next three weeks anyway. You clear to fly?"

"No, and I won't be for awhile."

Morgan thought for a moment and grinned. "Well, I'll rent a car and we can drive back home."

"From Alaska? From our current location in Fairbanks, that's a 4,172.78 mile drive. That's about a seventy hour drive, without stopping."

"So? We can make a road trip out it. It'll be fun. I mean, what the hell else are we going to do for the next three weeks?"

"I guess. You know, I have never been on road trip before."

"Well then we are definitely going a road trip, it's decided. I'll get our stuff together from the hotel and pick up some snacks and stuff. Get everything ready tonight, so we can leave from the hospital tomorrow when they finally release you. I'll be back later Kid. Try to get some rest, and I'll be back later tonight." Morgan left the hospital, to go get ready for the road trip ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third and final installation will be called Road Trip. First chapter should be up tomorrow.


End file.
